Good morning, patriots!*
*said in my most peppy Elle Woods voice
This morning I woke up with newfound hope from two things:
1. I’ve realized I’ve lost eight, as in EIGHT, pounds in the past month and a half!
2. I beat all the men in my work’s golf league group last night.
Now the first, I just had to throw in there because I’m so freaking excited that I’m able to lose weight without running and I just had to tell someone. I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that I may never be able to run any distance races again, but I’m going to keep trying!
The second thing I had to tell you because I’m just so proud I was able to show those men that 22 year old women are nothing to be trifled with.
The round yesterday started welcoming enough, after the three men I’d be golfing with realized they’d be playing with someone in a ponytail and a golf skirt. I had hit my drive off the first tee perfectly and it went straight down the fairway.
Disgruntled and discombobulated, two of the three men I was golfing with, didn’t do as well as me.
As one of the younger men, we’ll call him Tyler, made his second swing, he wiffed it and the ball went about five feet in front of him.
That’s when the oldest man, we’ll call him Old Man Bob, yelled over to Tyler saying, “You hit like a girl!”
Now, my first thought to hearing that was that I had heard better comebacks in the third grade, but then the second thing was, “Hey!! I hit like a girl too, but I am a girl!! Ass!!!!!”
Of course, I kept this thought to myself.
But for the next six holes, Old Man Bob kept making sexist comments about how the two other men were hitting like girls and that I didn’t have to worry about doing well because I’m a young girl who’s just joined the league.
That only fueled my fire to like a blow torch degree.
How dare he think that because I’m a woman, I can’t hit a tiny white ball better than he can! Sexist prick.
On the seventh hole, he decides to approach me again. “Now, you probably won’t hit it all the way to the corner on this dogleg, but try to aim there anyway.”
Again, I think, “HOW DARE YOU!!!”
This corner of the dogleg that he’s talking about is probably only about 150 yards from my tee box, so I can reach that easily with my driver, but he has the audacity to talk down to me, when I’ve been playing better than him all round.
I stepped up to the tee, took a couple practice swings, took a deep breath and let it rip.
The golf gods must have been on my side because it went sailing right down the fairway, a little to the left and in perfect position –past the corner.
Old Man Bob looked a little shocked while walking away. Tyler came up to me and said it was a great drive and that Old Man Bob shouldn’t have underestimated me because I’d been hitting them down the fairways all day.
To which I answered with, “If I want to hit the corner, I’m going to damnwell hit that corner!”
After all the holes were finished for the round, I ended up ahead of all of the men in my group, including Old Man Bob and I hope I made him eat his sexist words.
I’m damn proud I hit like a girl! Maybe he should try it sometime.
Until next time,